In my bio for the Frugal Film Project, I wrote that the camera I am using is the Nikkormat FTN my dad gave me in the early 1980s. And that it was my hope that this project would help the camera and I learn about each other. My dad passed in 2012. I miss him dearly, and I think he would love that I am into film photography.
Our fearless FFP leader has given us suggestions for topics for each month of shooting. January, the subject is texture. And I want to say that I outdid myself with this – I have photos of cute young goats, of my horse Macho, of my bff’s horse, of a beautiful cable knit hat that I made, and of balls of yarn. I set up lighting to take those pictures of the knitted objects, and really worked hard at it. I love those photos. To help finish off the roll, because it was getting late in the month-I took my camera with me when I went to visit my mom. My mom lives in an assisted living facility nearby, and turned 89 in November.
When I developed this roll of film, and scanned them, this photo sucker punched me. My mom has vascular dementia – which for her means she is losing her memory. Some days she does not remember my dad’s name, other days she does. In reality, it’s only a matter of time before she does not remember mine, or my sister’s. I see now, what this camera is. This camera, perhaps instead of wanting to be friends, is going to demand that I improve my craft, and look inwards and face possibly things I would much rather not have to acknowledge. Such as an aging parent and lost memories. Instead of the texture of an object, perhaps this month it’s the texture of life.
Nikkormat FtN, 1.4 50mm lens
Hp5 shot at 400